omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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