I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
