Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
