two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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