My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
