they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
