You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
