I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
