I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
