Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
