CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
