someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
