a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
