If i come over, it means nothing
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
