he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
