Non-Jews are for practice
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
