there's paper in my vomit.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i've created a new STD.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
