Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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