But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
