We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
