the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
