kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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