fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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