Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So many bounce houses so little time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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