He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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