I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
