I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
