Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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