There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
