Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Two words: nipple clamps
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