Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
