dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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