I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No subtext here. People are naked.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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