this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
