wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
