ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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