i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
