i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
