I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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