Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The beer is more important than you right now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
