I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
