I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
