the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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