ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
