Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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