have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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