I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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