As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
