he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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