I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
