Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
