Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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