I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
