my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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