the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
