woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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