Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
