Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
