No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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