i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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