Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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