Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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