Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
