my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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