About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
