i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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