I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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