he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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