never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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