the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and she was petting her beer can
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
