Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
