i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
