its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
