in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
