My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
