is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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