I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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