I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
