He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
