Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
