if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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